Stumped
by runwitskizzers
Summary: [SasuSaku] Sasuke decided not to bother with finding a recipe. He was going to make something au originale. Because Uchihas did not follow, they led. Crack.
1. Chapter 1

Sasuke loved tomatoes.

He knew this.

Sakura knew this.

He knew Sakura knew this.

So, he couldn't help but be somewhat perplexed that his teammate, ex-fan-girl, and current girlfriend had left a basket of potatoes at his door.

He wasn't even sure if he _liked_ potatoes, let alone love them. To be honest, he hadn't really given much thought to the generally disfigured, underground vegetable.

He hadn't actually checked the card yet, but there was a sakura blossom attached to the handle of the wicker basket… it had her calling card all over it. Seriously, Sakura – _sakura­, _get it?

Still, it's better to double-check. So he leaned down, picked up the basket of potatoes and brought it inside. After placing it on the table, he pulled out the card,

_Dear Sasuke-kun!_

_I hope you enjoy these!_

_Love,_

_(love love love love love)  
Sakura_

He groaned. How did one even prepare a potato? All he ever ate was ramen, tomatoes, and onigiri.

…

Could you combine onigiri and potatoes? He sat down in front of the basket and rested his chin on his hands in contemplation.

Onigiri + potatoes ?

Tomatoes + potatoes … disgusting. He wouldn't dare sully his favorite fruit.

Ramen + potatoes …genius? … He winced. Probably not.

Or maybe, the potatoes were supposed to symbolize something. His tactical mind quickly analyzed all the properties of the blasted potatoes that were currently sitting in front of his face.

Lumpy.

Oblong.

Disfigured.

Dirty.

Brown.

Heavy.

Spotted.

…

This wasn't going well. What the hell would that symbolize? A fat, tall, scarred, smelly, person… who had the chicken pox?

He shook his head, that couldn't be it.

There were so many of them. Why were there so many of them? He brought up the handkerchief that covered the basket and peeked inside.

There was no doubting it. They were definitely potatoes.

Perhaps she wanted him to cook them? Then a thought struck him, and he almost slapped a palm against his forehead -

Maybe they were _her_ favorite food! How could he have not thought of that before!

It was probably a really strong hint to make dinner for her tonight.

But why would she want him to make dinner tonight? It was Tuesday, they _always_ had ramen with Naruto on Tuesdays.

He squinted his eyes in thought again. Was there some special occasion going on tonight that he had forgotten? It wasn't her birthday, it wasn't _his_ birthday… oh no. He slumped back in his chair, dejected.

It must be their anniversary… and he'd forgotten.

Shit, shit, shit.

No wonder she put five 'loves' in the note, she was being _sarcastic_… and now she was going to kill him.

Well damn it, he was going to go down fighting.

He would make the best potato dinner she had ever seen, or his name wasn't Uchiha Sasuke.

He stood up, resolutely, then walked towards the kitchen.

… Now where was that apron?

* * *

A/N: I don't know where this came from, but rest assured, it will be crack-tastic. Only one more chapter though, I'm not up for another big chapter deal.

I'm somewhat working on the next chapter of ASTM, I swear, it's just been a little difficult lately to get focused. But apparently, I still needed to write… which is where this came in.

ANYhow, definitely tell me what you think and if I should continue.

Just press my button, babbbyyyy. Er, the review button. Yes, press the review button.

Ciao!


	2. Chapter 2

One potato.

Two potatoes.

Three potatoes.

Four?

Sasuke decided not to bother with finding a recipe. He was going to make something _au originale_. Because Uchihas did not follow, they led.

After successfully finding an apron in his house, thankfully one that was all business and no frills, he got to work. First he pulled out every pot that he could, he knew he couldn't just rely on one dish going well, so he figured many different dishes at once was a better idea.

Then, getting out various other _important_ ingredients, he added those to the counter space as well. Salt, pepper, green & red peppers, jalapeños, tomatoes (because he just couldn't help himself), bread, butter, sugar, baking powder, flour, rice, ketchup, and mustard.

He then proceeded to randomly throw everything together, using a different assortment of ingredients in each bowl. Then, some he baked, some he fried, some he simmered, the worst he pressure cooked.

I think we all know how this went, so how about a scene change.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sakura was fuming. She had been waiting exactly one hour and forty two minutes for Sasuke, and because he was late, she had to sit at the counter with the "human-ramen-eating-machine" as Naruto had recently dubbed himself.

It was Tuesday… right?

"Oi, Naruto." Nothing. "Naruto…" Still nothing. The man was too engrossed in the slimy noodles _he_ called food to answer her. "Naruto!" …

Bonk.

"Sakura-chaaaaaan, I was hungryyyyyy." She felt a little bad for the moaning puddle of man noodles on the ground, he was pretty pathetic.

"Well, maybe if you would answer me, I wouldn't have to hurt you." She replied, before daintily taking a bite of her miso ramen. "So, now let's see, is today Tuesday?"

"Yes." He mumbled, slowly attempting to make it back to his stool without further inciting her wrath.

"Okay… do you know where Sasuke-kun is?" She was being deceptively sweet, he knew it. He had to tread carefully so as not to fall into her vicious woman trap.

"Um… well, no." Then he forgot about her vicious woman trap, and just kept talking. Silly Naruto, he was done for. "Why would I know where your boyfriend is? Sheesh Sakura-chan, can't you keep better tabs on Teme than that? I thought you guys were so into each other, you could finish each other's sentences or something…" He trailed off here, having finally caught a glance at his beautiful Sakura-chan's face.

She was livid. Red face, steam coming out of her ears, hands clenched tightly into fists. All of it.

"Sakura-chan?" He opted for a meek, pathetic voice, hoping that it would lull her into complacency. He was sadly mistaken.

Fifteen minutes later, Sakura left Naruto at Ichiraku with her bill and his… whether or not he'd be able to see the bill through the black eyes she gave him, or lift his wallet with his broken fingers was entirely debatable. But still, none of her concern.

She was on a mission to find Sasuke-kun, and then take a stab at beating _him_ senseless for ditching her.

… She had gotten a mite more violent, recently.

She padded off into the night in search of her soon-to-be-sorry boyfriend.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Sasuke brought his head up quickly at the sound… and effectively killed himself by slamming into a cabinet door that he had left open by mistake.

"Damn it – What?!" He wrenched the door open as only an angry man can that had been cooking for his girlfriend all day… and failing miserably.

Said girlfriend was standing outside his door, shaking. Head bowed.

Wait… why was she shaking? … Why were her hands folded into firsts? … Why was she mumbling things about killing him?

…

Uh oh.

"Sasuke-kun, you had better have a very, very good reason for leaving me with _Naruto_ eating _Ramen_."

He paused. Took a breath, and,

"Youleftmepotatoessoididn'tknowwhattodoandthenithoughtishouldmakeyoudinnerbecauseiknowpotatoesareyourfavoritefoodandsinceitsouranniversaryithoughtitwouldbeanicethingtodo." Pause. "Butthenthekitchenexplodedandnowiwastryingtocleanandfailingandthatswhenyoucametothedoor."

This was not at all rushed, but rather, very deliberate. Or so he would pretend. Nor was it said in a particularly high voice, just in his normal, deep tenor. He wasn't nervous, seriously.

Of course, this was all a lie.

Yes, Uchiha Sasuke was an exceptional nin. Yes, he was part of the secret elite Anbu. Yes, he even had the highest number of successful missions of any current living nin, and was a close second to the dead man who held the most.

But, he knew enough to know that enraged girlfriends were a scary, scary thing. And that they had methods of torture and pain that could even humble the great Ibiki.

And so, Sasuke was scared.

"Sasuke-kun… did you say something about potatoes?"

Was her anger gone? It seemed by replaced by a quizzical brow.

"…Yes?"

"…Where did you get potatoes?"

"You left them for me."

"Ah, um, uh oh." Uh oh? No, that was his line.

"Sakura… what did you do?" He was glaring at her, but she wasn't bothered by it.

"Sasuke-kun… you have mashed potatoes on your nose." He hurriedly wiped them off with his… oven mitt? "Sasuke-kun… when did you get an oven mitt?" Damn it all to hell. "Sasuke-kun, let me inside." He sweatdropped. But, not having any way to stop her, he complied and opened the door to his usually clean abode.

Sakura stared. It was chaos. There were potatoes _everywhere_.

On the walls in the living room.

Underneath the couch.

In the kitchen sink.

On the kitchen window.

Behind the refrigerator.

Stuck to the ceiling.

_Everywhere_.

She took her time walking around his place each time trying to figure out exactly how he had gotten potato _there_. Finally, she shook her head and turned back to her wayward other.

"Oh Sasuke-kun." He looked ashamed, not at all like the stoic boy she'd fallen in love with. It was almost kind of endearing, if it he hadn't looked so pitiable. "It's not our anniversary. That's not for another 3 months. And potatoes are most definitely not my favorite food." She could have gotten upset at the fact that he didn't know when their anniversary was, and that he'd forgotten what her favorite food was… but, he'd just tried so hard to be good that she couldn't fault him for it.

Besides, this was all because of her mistake any way.

"I didn't mean to leave _you_ the potatoes, they were for Kakashi-sensei." He dropped to the ground in disbelief. "He must've gotten your tomatoes."

"_What?!_"

But before he could actually start yelling at her, she pulled him up to her and kissed him sweetly.

"But thank you any way – now let's go get your tomatoes back."

As they walked out his door (after he had ditched the apron and oven mitt), she could hear him muttering,

"If he's eaten even one of my tomatoes, so help me…"

She snickered to herself and awaited the show.

* * *

A/N: Weird, I know. But the most awesome thing about this is that every time I typed "potato" I accidentally typed "pototo". Hahaha, pototo. I love it.

I think it's funny.

Do you think it's funny?

Tell me!

I heart reviews and I heart you's!


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